A few weeks ago my wife and I had the good fortune
to celebrate Father’s Day with my son and his family. The day was made more special because it
coincided with 2 recent birthdays. It was a great day with lots of fun and laughs.
Of course in time the youngsters, having spent the requisite amount of time
with the adults, grew restless and were eager to pursue their own interests. I
especially enjoyed listening to the various pleas and individualized approaches
each of the children used in asking permission for this or that. I recognized
many of these scenes from the past; they had been acted out when I was a parent
and when I was a child myself.
I believe that I became a better parent when I
became a grandfather. As a grandparent I am more a spectator than an active participant
and now have the luxury of being able to sit back and watch and listen to how
these scenes all play out. Sure, I know some of the challenges my son and
daughter-in-law face in rearing children are the same as the ones we and our
parents faced, but the world and our culture are more complex today and the
pressures on parents to manage these challenges are greater than the ones we
faced. As a “spectator” I am in awe as to how our son and daughter-in-law work
through the endless requests and issues that pop up on a daily, if not hourly
basis, and I ask myself, “when did he learn to do all that; where did he pick up
all the skills to handle this? I don’t think I would have done it as well.” I
have learned so much about parenting in watching them and while it makes me
feel good to think that there’s probably some imprinting going on, they are far
ahead of where I was then.
Life, wrote Kierkegaard, can only be understood backwards.
But it must be lived forwards.
Along those lines few
years ago I saw an interview with actor Michael Douglas on a late night talk
show. He spoke of his relationship with his father, Hollywood legend Kirk
Douglas; I’ll paraphrase the story he told.
Dad called me the other night. He said, "Michael, I
was watching myself in an old movie earlier tonight and I didn't remember
making it."
"Well, Dad, you made over 70 movies and you are 94.
Don't be so rough on yourself."
"No, Michael, you didn't let me finish. I realized
halfway through that I was watching one of your movies."
Wouldn't it be
wonderful if certain aspects of our lives and ways of relating to others were
all but indistinguishable from Jesus? If they reminded others of Jesus, just a
little bit? We seek, every day, in every place, to be emissaries of Jesus:
representatives of Jesus who welcome others as if they were Jesus and who
relate to others in the spirit of Jesus?
Our task (Matthew 10:40-42) is to consciously attend
to the Christ in everyone. Christ in the stranger. Christ in the enemy. Christ
in the friend. Christ in the spouse. Christ in our sibling. Christ in the
politician who makes our blood boil. Christ in the one who believes differently
than I do.
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